Basic Components of Successful Marriage

To some people, marriage is a vow between couples that unites and binds them for lasting relationship. To others, marriage is a contract between two people that commit themselves for lifetime relationship. But in this day and age, we find couples unfaithful to the vow and breach the contract. Couples find themselve struggling to keep their marriage for lasting and lifetime relationship to one another. Many couples would ask, “Why their marriage is a failure?”

I’m no expert on this matter, but living and seeing how my grandparents worked on their wonderful and colorful marriage; I’ve learned that there are only four basic components of successful marriage. L.I.P.S. are the basic components to make marriage last a lifetime.

Love is a constellation of emotions and experiences related to a sense of strong affection or profound oneness. To love someone, one must learn to love everything about that person and that includes his/her flaws. Love teaches a person to be respectful, caring, faithful and honest. If we violate one of these traits to our spouses, then absolutely our love for them is not pure.

Intimacy has more to do with shared moments than sexual interactions. Intimate feelings may be connected or confused with sexual arousal. Intimacy is linked with feelings of closeness, safety, trust and transparency among partners in a collaborative relationship. For intimacy to be sustainable and nourishing it also requires trust, transparency and rituals of connection. It is possible to compete over intimacy but that is likely to be self-defeating. Intimacy requires empathy - the ability to stand in the other's shoes. Intimacy can also be identified as knowing someone in depth, knowing many different aspects of a person or knowing how they would respond in different situations, because of the many experiences you've shared with them.

Passion is a gift of the spirit combined with the totality of all the experiences we've lived through. It endows each of us with the power to live and communicate with unbridled enthusiasm. Passion is most evident when the mind, body and spirit work together to create, develop and articulate or make manifest our feelings, ideas and most sacred values.

According to Brian Norris, passion enables us to overcome obstacles (both real and imagined) and to see the world as a place of infinite potential. The passionate spirit looks at every occurrence and discovers the golden kernels of what can be, what should be and what will be. Passion has its own energy -- an energy that's observable and transferable. Best of all, you can't fake it. Almost anyone, with only a bit of intuitiveness, can spot the charlatan. We can smell the lying wolf. We can sense a lack of sincerity, authenticity and depth. We can inhale the bitter, infectious dryness of the imposter's soul.

Sexuality is how people experience and express themselves as sexual beings. It can encompass

sexual intercourse and sexual contact in all its forms, as well as medical concerns about the physiological or even psychological aspects of sexual behaviour; sociologically, it can cover the cultural, political, and legal aspects; and philosophically, it can span the moral, ethical, theological, spiritual or religious aspects. Couples must be bound to satisfy his/her significant others, no matter what.

Marriage will only be successful if couples would strive to make their LIPS sealed all the time.

Life is What You Make It

Life is what you make it.
It’s up to you to choose the kind of life you want.

If you choose to be alone,
Then you would know no friends at all.
If you choose to be misguided,
Then you would not be vindicated.
If you choose to live in obscurity,
Then you would not value luminosity.
If you choose to have no faith,
Then you would be at lost.

But why choose this kind of life,
When there is better life than this?

If you choose to be with people,
Then you would know how to love.
If you choose to be just,
Then you would gain respect.
If you choose to live in light,
Then you would see the truth.
If you choose to believe in God,
Then you would be saved.

Life is what you make it.
It’s up to you to make it worthwhile.

Pursuit of HAPPYness

Have you watched Will Smith’s movie, “The Pursuit of Happyness”? Will Smith played the role of a father that struggles to build a future. He would do whatever it takes so he could provide his son a better life. In the end of the story, the father’s determination paid off. With self confidence and the love and trust of his son, he rises above his obstacles and became a Wall Street legend. Then, he’s HAPPY.

Happiness is a consistent, moderate state of satisfaction or joy. True happiness with yourself and your life comes from having a strong, balanced, consistently positive approach to yourself and your world. Traditionally, it has been thought that if a person doesn't feel an overall sense of happiness with life, there must be something wrong. However recently, psychologists have begun to believe that this just isn't so. Happiness, they claim, is a state of mind, a life perception, and a series of good habits.

This is good news. If happiness is a skill set, then you can learn to be happier. Some people seem to be born happy. This may be true. Or perhaps these "happier" people have simply already learned these happiness skills through their interactions, through reading, or by having a keen perception into human nature. Whatever the case, their happiness is something you can learn from and achieve for yourself. In fact, if you know someone who seems very happy, they'll most likely be happy to advise you if you ask them about their outlook on life.

It should be noted that certain people experience intermittent moments of happiness without feeling like they can characterize themselves as happy people. In fact, some individuals have extremely happy moments, feeling a state of euphoria, and later crash down into depression or misery. These individuals lack the balance just described, either because they haven't learned the skills or, in rarer cases, because of biological factors having to do with their brain chemistry.

Finally, even happy people have down days. It's unrealistic to expect permanent, nonstop happiness. Such a thing doesn't exist in reality. However, you can learn to be more content with your life, confident in yourself, grateful for what you have, committed to your personal growth, full of laughter and good cheer, and optimistic. You can also learn to develop positive, supportive relationships with the people around you. In fact, by focusing yourself steadfastly on these seven areas, you can quite readily achieve them. Just remember that by enjoying yourself on your path to greater happiness, you're already a good way to achieving what you desire.

(source: Tickle Tests)

Mood Swings may affect Sex Life

Do you have mood swings? Your mood swings may affect others, especially your loved ones. It could also affect your sex life. Moods must be managed carefully or it could create disaster in a relationship. To know your moods is very important in interacting with other people.

Moods are relatively lasting emotional or affective state. They generally have either a positive or negative effect. In other words, people often speak of being in a good or bad mood.

Though you may always feel happy most of the time, you are likely to feel as many as eight different mood states throughout the day. They are:

Calm Happy Energetic Enthusiastic
Uneasy Passive Exhausted Sad

Your mood swings are what you are most likely to notice, but it is the frequency of each of these eight mood states that will have the greatest impact on how you handle and perceive situations every day.. In fact, your moods set the tone for all of your day-to-day experiences—they are the filter through which you experience the good, the bad, the highs and the lows of your day.

Calm
When a person feels calm, he or she feels positive about life but generally has a lower level of energy. This lower level of energy can be beneficial insofar as it offers the individual time to think, reflect on and enjoy their feelings of optimism.

Happy
Happy individuals are generally filled with satisfaction and contentment. Happiness is a purely emotional state—it is not attached to a particular level of energy. It is quite possible for happy individuals to feel extremely satisfied and content with life, but to lack the desire to expend energy on making the situation even better.

Energetic
When a person feels energetic, it is usually experienced as a flurry of activity. Feeling energetic is neither positive nor negative. It's a neutral emotion that simply denotes a highly active state-most likely the result of channeling all feelings, both positive and negative, into actions.

Enthusiastic
A highly enthusiastic individual will experience positive feelings and high energy levels since enthusiasm is both a heightened emotional and heightened physical state.

Uneasy
When a person feels uneasy, he or she feels negative about life and invests high energy in their negative emotions. They often appear actively upset about the events in their life. Uneasiness is a complicated state because the two components—sadness and obsession over that sadness—feed off one another making situations seem worse than they really are.

Passive
Passivity is usually experienced as a stillness in mind and body. In fact, feeling passive is not indicative of happiness or sadness, rather it is a neutral state. The primary emphasis is on quietude, with little attention paid to a positive or negative mood.

Exhausted
When a person feels exhausted, he or she experiences negative feelings about life and exceptionally low levels of energy. An exhausted individual might feel depressed, yet be unable to muster the energy to make changes that would take their life in a new or positive direction. This is a particularly difficult mood to navigate since low levels of energy and sadness serve up a double whammy.

Sad
As you know, when a person feels sad, he or she is filled with a sense of dissatisfaction and has a negative outlook on life. Sadness is not attached to a level of energy. In fact, it simply denotes a highly charged negative emotion. A person can feel sad without experiencing fatigue or heightened states of nervous energy.

But how do these moods affect one another? And more importantly, how do they affect you? Are your moods taking you on an emotional rollercoaster ride or is it pretty smooth-sailing? You are liable to experience any of eight mood states at some point. Depending on what's going on in your life, your moods can shift on a daily, monthly or even yearly basis.

So what's the decisive factor? Well, it could be just about anything: Life events, both good and bad, your perception of those events, your physiological makeup, even your coping methods.

External Triggers
There's plenty of truth to the old saying: the only thing certain in life is change. Relationships fluctuate, world events—both tragic and joyful—take place without warning. Plain and simple: things happen, and these external influences trigger various mood states. Naturally, people have different responses these triggers.

Internal Perceptions
The way you perceive the events of your life can also play into the type and severity of the moods that you experience. Each of us has different internal beliefs about how life tends to unfold—whether you believe that it is dependent on your own actions or whether you think it is outside of your personal control. These internal perceptions can have a persistent and powerful affect on your mood state.

If you believe your own accountability to the extreme, you will probably end up feeling a lot of self-inflicted pressure when it comes to your own success, with your mood suffering when you feel unaccomplished. Taking on too much personal blame when things go wrong can leave you feeling depressed, discouraged, and it can negatively affect your health. Conversely, affording yourself too much credit when things go well can leave you with an over-inflated sense of security possibly setting you up for a big fall should anything outside of your control go wrong such as a natural disaster.

Most life events unfold as a result of both your actions and situational factors. By placing too much emphasis on either your own behavior or external forces, your worldview may become skewed in a way that is unhelpful in fostering your general well-being and happiness.

Mood Generalization
In many situations, people generalize their current mood to the rest of their life. They might feel that if one thing has gone wrong, everything has gone wrong or if something good happens, all of life is great. While this can sometimes take a positive form, by producing extensive feelings of optimism, it can also be an agent of gloom when carried into other areas of your life. The extent to which you consistently believe that you can generalize from your current experience to predict your future success will either negatively or positively affect your mood. In fact, the power of positive thought can often result in positive life events while the power of negative thoughts can result in negative life events.

Physiological Factors
In addition to external forces and internal perceptions, physiological factors are often the culprits behind mood swings. These might include hormone fluctuations, brain chemistry or diet.

Women who are in the premenstrual phase of their fertility cycle can have large hormone shifts that may affect their mood. For those women who don't menstruate, the onset of menopause, pregnancy or an insufficient body weight are all mood-altering factors and may entail hormonal changes of their own. Men are also prone to hormonal shifts, often experiencing a hormonal rollercoaster in adolescence, or later in life as postulated by the theory of "male menopause."

In addition, a person's brain chemistry can have an enormous effect on the moods they experience. In the most extreme case, "imbalanced" brain chemistry can lead to serious problems associated with mood such as depression, anxiety, and mania. The good news is that these imbalances can usually be treated with prescribed medications. If you feel that your mood swings sometimes get out of hand, you might want to seek professional advice.

Your diet and your intake of controlled substances can also have a significant effect on your mood. For example, eating sugary foods boosts your energy in the short term but ultimately results in a "crash" to a lower-level mood. Alcohol can have a similar effect, producing a brief "high" followed by a depressing "low."

As you can see, there are a variety of physiological factors that can affect your mood. While some are more manageable than others, it is important to take all of the above factors into account when figuring out the reasons behind your mood swings.

Coping Strategies
All of us have different ways of coping with the ups and downs of life. We develop these coping strategies through trial and error, determining what works best to improve a given situation. Effective coping skills can have a huge impact on mood management, allowing an individual to redirect their focus and turn a melancholy mood upside down.

Behaviors, thoughts, and mood are highly interconnected. By adjusting one, you can affect the others. Accordingly, if you can find the power to assert control over one element in the equation, it can have a profound affect on improving your overall mood!

If you have positive overall mood in your day to day living, most likely everything will follow. You could affect other people in sanguine manner. Your sex partner would definitely desire you more since positive overall mood could make you look and feel sexy!

(source: Tickle Tests)

Emotions Can Make or Break a Relationship

Your emotions can guide you towards smart decisions. In fact, increasingly, researchers are pointing to Emotional IQs as better indicators of overall success in life than traditional IQ tests alone. Healthy relationships and flourishing careers are impossible without interacting successfully with others. Even someone who possesses a genius Intellectual Quotient (IQ) can miss out on the wisdom that comes from understanding another human being.

You must know how to handle well your emotions. If not, emotions can make or break a relationship; not just between lovers, it could be between friends, co-workers, classmates, family, etc. Emotions guide us how we interact with other people. It is very important to know, express and acknowledge one's emotions in a manner that can build healthy relationships.

Emotional Myths:
Myth 1: Emotions are more primitive than reason.
Emotions originate in the brain just like reason, even though you might feel them in your heart or in your gut. They are equally valid when making decisions, the key to making informed decisions it to consult both sides of your brain.

Myth 2: Clamping down on your emotions is a sign of strength.
Unfortunately, too many people mistakenly believe that being able to turn off their emotions makes them powerful. Conversely, some people think that feeling and emotion gives you permission to act upon it. The key to managing your emotions is to strike the right balance. You must first allow yourself to feel your raw emotions, then you must temper them with the rational side of your brain. You're so angry you want to punch someone? Then let yourself feel that emotion, just stop short of acting on it and make those emotions available to your rational side to balance out.

Myth 3: Some emotions are bad to feel.
All emotions are informative. Just because our emotions sometimes put us in an unpleasant state does not mean they should be avoided. Our emotions can tell us when there is something in our environment that needs fixing.

Myth 4: The best judgments are ones made without emotion.

Our society has valued the rational parts of our brain to the detriment of the emotional parts. Think about how many violent acts are committed because people don't know how to effectively deal with their emotions and instead simply snap. To achieve true harmony within ourselves, both sides of the brain need to be acknowledged and attended to.

People who believe in the above emotional myths cling to those legends to justify living their lives numbly. Any expert will tell you, however, that numbing yourself to reality will only lead to exhaustion and unhappiness. Exhaustion will take hold because it takes a lot of energy to suppress your feelings. Unhappiness will set in because people who are unwilling to experience the lows of life are also cheating themselves out of experiencing the true highs.

You were born with the same gut instincts that have aided our species through years of evolutionary change and survival. Digging deep within yourself to rediscover your intuition requires that you believe that you do have an unconscious capable of acting without the aid of rational thinking.

Exploring how you feel can be scary, but it ultimately proves to be an empowering experience. After all, passionate feelings fuel your thoughts, your ambitions, your desires, and ultimately provides meaning in your life.

Try keeping this in mind the next time you're unsure about what you're feeling. Chances are the answer is right there inside you — it might just simply be a case of learning how to listen to yourself. The first step is giving credence to any thought that arises. Remember that just because you're having a thought, doesn't mean you have to act on it. Just acknowledge that it's there. You'd be surprised how such a simple act can sometimes point you in the right direction.

(source: Tickle Tests)

Relationship Myths

Many rules had been made on how to keep long lasting relationship. And one important factor of keeping a relationship is the capital "C" - Communication between partners. What's your communication style to your partner?

Sure there's tons of misinformation out there when it comes to having a healthy relationship. Here are some of the top myths and explanations to help you understand the truth when it comes to how couples should communicate:

1. Fighting is bad for a relationship and often indicates bigger, underlying problems.

False. Often, depending on a couple's relationship dynamic, important issues can surface and be resolved through periods of intense discussion or arguing.

2. Bickering poisons a relationship.

Not necessarily. Some relationships flourish even with a constant stream of bickering. What is most important to a relationship is the intention behind the communication. If a couple bickers as a way to work out minor disagreements, it can be healthy for them. However, if the bickering is intended to hurt or criticize, it will likely erode the relationship.

3. Women are more comfortable with emotional discussions than men are.

True. While it may sound sexist, research has shown that by and large, women are indeed more comfortable discussing emotions. Differences in the rearing of girls and boys appear to give women a leg up when it comes to understanding and confronting emotional issues.

4. The more often a couple has sex, the happier they will be.

False. The amount of sex a couple has doesn't matter. What matters is that both people are happy with both the quantity and quality of sex in their relationship. In addition, the way a couple handles sexual problems (if they arise) will affect how happy they will be with their sex life.

5. If you have financial problems, your relationship is much more likely to break up.

False. Relationships that are strong before the financial difficulties hit tend to remain strong under monetary strain. In fact, these couples sometimes become stronger as they join together to face their problems. On the other hand, relationships that were weak to begin with tend to be torn apart by the additional pressure that financial problems can create.

6. Happy couples do not freely express their anger.

False. Expressing anger when necessary is a sign of a healthy relationship. An unhealthy relationship will actually express contempt and negative criticism along with anger. On the other hand, a healthy relationship will acknowledge the presence of anger without assigning blame. This allows relationship issues to be heard, understood, and dealt with.

7. Compatibility is the key to a successful relationship.

True. The more compatible a couple is, especially when it comes to the way they communicate and handle difficulties, the more successful their union will be in the long term.

(source: Tickle Tests)

Art and Science of Bitchology

(I read this from Sunday Lifestyle of the Philippine Star)

When I stand up for myself and my beliefs, they call me a bitch. When I stand up for those I love, they call me a bitch. When I speak my mind, think my own thoughts, or do things my own way, they call me a bitch. Being a bitch means I won’t compromise what’s in my heart. It means I live my life MY way. It means I won’t allow anyone to step on me. When I refuse to tolerate injustice and speak against it, I am defined as a bitch. The same thing happens when I take time for myself instead of being everyone’s maid or when I act a little selfish. It means I have the courage and strength to allow myself to be who I truly am and won’t become anyone else’s idea of what they think I “should” be. I am outspoken, opinionated and determined. I want what I want. And there is nothing wrong with that! So try to stomp on me, try to douse my inner flame, and try to squash every ounce of beauty I hold within me, you won’t succeed. And if that makes me a bitch, so be it! I embrace the title and am proud to bear it!

Awake the Inner Bitch in You

(I read this article from Sunday Lifestyle of The Philippine Star.)

Two roommates meet for the first time. One is a small-town girl on scholarship, the other a wealthy, convent school graduate. The small-town girl greets her new roommate with a huge smile and asks, "So, where are you from?" The colegiala sniffs, "From a place where we know better than to end our sentences with prepositions." The small-town girl, jolly as ever, replies, "So, where are you from, bitch?"

There you are. One roommate was catty, the other bitchy. When you are catty, you like to cut people down out of anxiety or spite. To you, everybody is a loser and therefore not worth your time or attention or friendship. If you do socialize, you do it out of a need for company and to feed your already ready-to-burst ego. You feel superior that no one can be your equal or heaven forbid, better than you. The word catty comes from – you guessed it – the cat. A cat is independent and is happiest being left alone to luxuriate in her controlled environment. If she gets hungry or suddenly has the urge for company and once satisfied, it would again retreat to its own space and leave you behind.

In contrast, a bitch is described as a female dog. And dogs by nature are inherently incapable of contempt. To her, happiness is synonymous with her master. But wait, there are bitches, and then, there are bitches. That’s because oftentimes, being catty is mistaken for being bitchy. It’s not the same.

When women gossip, they call it being bitchy. Wrong. It’s being catty. The ultimate aim is to flaunt a holier-than-thou attitude, and it’s a cop-out way to celebrate the misfortune or tragedy of others. The element of malice is glaring and evident.

To be a bitch, you must focus on your creativity, your uniqueness. You must not be afraid to make mistakes. In fact, you use these mistakes as a starting point to bring out the courage to own up to these fumbles and feel with you a fount of emerging strength that could only make you better today than you were yesterday.

But be aware that being bitchy can be a lonely place. There are attendant demands that you must prepare for. You can be alone with no allies and –the crucial part- you stand the risk ob being misunderstood or even rejected. There is no guarantee that everyone will rally behind you, much less understand your stand. But so long as you are not out to destroy yourself or anyone, you are on the right path.

The small-town roommate displayed a genuine connection with her inner bitch. She remained cheerfully unaffected and resistant to scorn, holding her own with humor and dignity. Above all, she refused to play the shame game.

From an inspired writer, comes the assertion of the Art and Science of Bitchology…(see my next post)

Are You Really My Friend?

Can my sorrows be your sorrows too?
Can you be sad when I feel blue?

Can you laugh with my corny jokes?
Can you dine with my old folks?

Can you be at my side if I’m sick?
Can you be there when I seek?

Can you like me with all my flaws?
Can you guide me if I’m at lost?

Can you love me with your heart and soul?
Can you be a friend whom I can cherish at all?

Now tell me, are you really my friend?
Can I depend on you until my life end?